I hate how I can no longer remember my dreams when I used to recall them in my mind so vividly! All I know now is that my dreams are not very nice, they are dark and sullen and fearful. *sighs*
—Who knows who cares
"You could let it down
Jump into the river baby
Easy as it sounds
It’s never quite as easily done
The current has us now, it’s ok
Take into account that it’s
not all about to change.”
I feel more comfortable sharing my pains to strangers than to people close to me. Because strangers don’t know who I was and will probably never know who I will become after our conversation. Making it easier for me not to care what they think of me.
I’ve been feeling a bit lazy lately. I feel like I’m not giving out my best here and just slacking off and waiting for things to happen. IDK. Maybe it’s because the holidays are coming and all I can think about is what to wear on our Christmas partIES (yepppp!!!), if I should get an HMUA, what gifts to buy my lovely little family, when I should start wrapping pressies, what food to cook on Christmas eve, where Tim and I should celebrate our first anniversary as husband and wife or what we should do that day if we’re not going anywhere, what gift I should buy for myself, wondering if I should buy another lipstick or maybe two, if I will be getting enough bonus this year, what MK belle will be doing on New Year’s eve as we work the night away (pft.), if we should revamp the house and so many other things! I love my job and I love what I do, I swear! But sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have to work so I can be a full time wife and mother and do more experiments in the kitchen, have more time to play with dear little MK belle, run the whole household like a boss, be a better wife! With the set-up we have now where I have to balance my life between family and work, sleeping and staying up to do some chores or to spend time with MK, staying in over the weekend and saying yes to friends’ invitations to lunch or dinner… I feel like I’m not giving enough attention to my husband and he certainly doesn’t deserve it :( I know he understands, but I only want to give him the best, too! *sighs* My life is truly not easy, but I’ve no right to complain because somewhere out there someone else has a more difficult life. Oh well, I guess… I better continue looking forward to Christmas - when the people are nicer and exceptionally generous! ♥
But if one day you’ll find your happiness in the arms OF another
I will cry a night and forget you the next.
My nerves are bad tonight. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
I never know what you are thinking. Think.